"Don't Worry"

If you know Bobby McFerrin only for the rather annoying (if sonically marvelous) "Don't Worry, Be Happy," you should check this out:

Update on the cookie scoop caper

After my cookie scoop was stolen (see previous post), I emailed the Pampered Chef consultant who had sold me the scoop to let her know she could cancel the return process. She was kind enough to go to bat on my behalf, and the company is replacing the scoop for me without receiving the broken one. I thought that was cool.

So if you need anything from Pampered Chef (might I suggest some nice stoneware?), check out Patricia's site.

Dear dumb thief

Dear dumb thief who broke into my car last night,

First of all, thank you for checking the door before breaking a window. I guess it's time to replace the battery in my remote keyless entry unit, because clearly it didn't work yesterday. In the meantime, it was nice not to have any glass to clean up. But next time, use the driver's door—the passenger side doesn't turn on the overhead light properly, and I think that might have thrown you off your game. Your thief game, I mean.

See, if you're going to go to all the trouble to jack up my dashboard, you might want to consider actually removing the CD player. You could have sold it and used the money to pay your Verizon bill or to buy drugs. It's kind of the main point of breaking into a car.

Also, good luck finding a use for the broken cookie scoop you stole from the shipping box in my back seat. No doubt you were expecting jewels or money or chocolate-dipped pretzels, or maybe a nice motorcycle spark plug (profanity warning, in case you're a stupid thief who also happens to be a language-sensitive thief). But if you had glanced at the address on the box and knew how to read, you would have noticed it said "Pampered Chef Return Center," not "Handle With Care: Valuable Gems Inside," or even "Mmm...Treats."

I guess I can understand how seeing a sealed shipping box in a car might excite your thiefly sensibilities, but what I don't understand is why you took the broken cookie scoop home with you. Even leaving aside the fact that you left behind a decent CD player, what are you going to do with a broken cookie scoop? The sweep mechanism came apart from the spring-loaded handle, you dope! You couldn't even scoop chunky applesauce with that thing, let alone chilled cookie dough.

Funny thing is, I make pretty good cookies even without my special scoop, and if you'd waited just one day to rob me, you could have stolen a shipping box with 3 dozen delicious chocolate chip cookies instead of one useless piece of stainless steel. Dumbass.

I will now go meditate on Luke 6:27-29.