We went trick-or-treating on Halloween with Abel. Since he too young to know what candy is, let alone eat it, he was basically just a prop designed to get his parents a bag full of candy. A cute, monkey-suited prop. He had fun, though.
Anyway, we've been eating the candy since we got home that night, and it is fair to say that I am thoroughly disappointed. It was one bag of Skittles, a few Sweet Tarts, and like a billion chocolate bars. I think chocolate is fine, but what's up with almost everyone in the neighborhood distributing it exclusively? At Halloween, I want candy, not chocolate. How many Snickers bars can a man eat before he wants a nice bag of chewy Spree? Why am I doomed to dig through endless brown wrappers, only to be let down by the disappearance of the only tube of Smarties?* I'd even settle for a Jolly Rancher at this point.
Please, homeowners, think of the children. Have some variety in your candy basket. If Halloween were a holiday for menopausal women, you'd have gotten it just right this year. But it's not. I say again, think of the kids.
And while I'm making blanket appeals, here's one for the Reese's** corporation: please, I beg you, stop tinkering with the peanut butter cup. I think you pretty much nailed it on the first try, so quit making it inside out, or white, or dark, or whatever the hell else you might want to try to do to it in time to annoy me next Halloween. It's a milk chocolate cup with a peanut butter center. Stop screwing around!
Okay. Back to my story. Tonight, I grabbed two pieces from the candy dish and plopped down in front of the TV to watch a few episodes of Arrested Development Season Two on DVD. I took a Milky Way and a Dum-Dum lollipop, figuring I could wash down the chocolatiness with the hard candy of the lollipop. I chomped down the Milky Way and lazily unwrapped the Dum-Dum, popping it in my mouth just as the first episode got underway. When I tasted it, I almost spat it out.
It was a chocolate-flavored lollipop.
*The American kind, of course. Canadians, in an apparent effort to prove their state of national goofiness, have a different kind of Smarties, which naturally are made of chocolate.
**"Reese's," it should be pointed out, rhymes with "pieces," which is an unhelpful tip since most people who mispronounce "Reese's" also mispronounce "pieces" immediately thereafter.