Friday, February 11, 2005

Twizzlers and crappy DVD "special" features

A wise man once said to Homer Simpson,
A Mounds Bar is not a sprinkle. A Twizzler is not a sprinkle. A Jolly Rancher is not a sprinkle, sir. Perhaps in Shangri-la they are, but not here.
I am a firm believer that there is a Simpsons quotation for every occasion. What occasion fits this particular quotation? I'll tell you.

I'm watching a DVD that I borrowed from a friend at work. And God Spoke, not very good. As is my tradition, I scanned the box as I watched the first few scenes. (I like to see who's in it, what the running time is, how they're hyping it, etc.) At the top of the box are listed the "special features." Want to know what they are? Full screen version, English subtitles, 2.0 Dolby Surround, and the extremely rare and spectacular "scene selections." That's it.

I would like to tell the fine people at Artisan Home Entertainment: Full screen version is not a feature. English subtitles are not a feature. 2.0 surround sound is not a feature. Scene selections are not a feature.

We'd all be okay with it if production companies just released bare-bones DVDs with no features. But don't try to pass off basic functionality as "special" features.

3 comments:

Lisa said...

For every time you pull out a Simpsons quote for something, I'm going to pull out a Harry Potter one. Granted, the Simpsons has a lot more material to pull from, but I'm going to try. It's kind of fun.

The best I could come up with for this situation was when Hermione first met Ron on the Hogwarts Express:

H: Oh, are you doing magic? Let's see it, then.
R: Sunshine, daisies, butter mellow, turn this stupid, fat rat yellow.
H: Are you sure that's a real spell? Well, it's not very good, is it.

Scottish said...

Heheh, nice.

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