Even though I have several other tasks to which I should be attending, I am sitting and enjoying the NFL playoffs on this icy Saturday night. I just watched the Steelers barely outlast the pesky Jets in OT, and now I'm having fun taking in what promises to be an offensive explosion: the Falcons and the Rams.
One of the highlights of this game, of course, is getting to watch Falcons QB Michael Vick. (Last I heard, he wanted to be called Mike, but the announcers are calling him Michael, so I'll go with that.) Anyway, Vick is great entertainment. He is a phenomenal athlete with a strong arm, fantastic mobility and agility, and s p e e d. He is the prototypical mobile quarterback.
In other words, he's the perfect player to entice silly TV producers and in-game announcers to invent bogus statistics.
See, mobile quarterbacks are, like, the future of the NFL or something. They're the ones every team wants to draft. They're the ones that make the cover of EA Sports Madden. They're the ones that give defensive coordinators fits. (They're also the ones who never win Super Bowls, but hey. I suppose it could happen someday.)
(I mean, you're telling me you'd take Vick over Brady right now? You want Randall Cunningham in his prime, or Joe Montana? Look, no one's saying you have to put Rob Johnson under center, but pocket passers always outperform scramblers in postseason play.)
But none of this is the point. I want to address the stupid stat FOX made up for Vick. They call it "Vick yardage." See, what you do is take the yards he "should have" lost on a sack, and you add that to the yardage he gained when he evaded the sack and ran, and that gives you his "Vick yards." So, like, when he almost got sacked 11 yards deep and instead ran for 47 yards, that's 58 Vick yards.
This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Yes, of course, we all like it when quarterbacks make plays like this. It's high quality entertainment, and it's good for the Falcons every time it happens. But see, the thing is, the sack never happened. He didn't lose yards because, well, he didn't lose yards! Michael Vick is awesome. You just don't try quantify this.
(Do we need to add six yards to every rushing attempt because the halfback starts deep in the backfield?)
Hup, there we go. FOX just updated it. He's now avoided 37 yards in sacks, gained 64 rushing yards. That means he has 101 Vick yards. I think I'm going to be sick. Why won't they just let me enjoy watching the best athlete in the NFL?