I feel like they closed Disney World.

Well, actually, if they closed Disney, I wouldn't be all that bummed. I've been there, and it's not that interesting to me. But I know some people love it. They like Disney movies, they enjoy the magic, and once in a while, they actually get to the Magic Kingdom itself, enjoying being surrounded by the themes, the sights, and the sounds.

For me, that's Phish. So when I read the announcement that this will be Phish's final tour, I was disappointed. I didn't cry or anything, but I did experience a kind of neo-hippie melancholy. Translation, I was bummed.

I realized I would not be able to look forward to seeing them live every two or three years (which is about all the shows I can afford to get to), or enjoying new studio work every year or so. (Phish's studio work in the last five years has been brilliant. Concise but still dreamy, complex but not undecipherable, meandering but not unstructured, diverse but not without cohesion.)

So I feel the way many people would feel if they heard Disney World was to close at the end of the summer.

That's not such a bad analogy, actually. Phish is a bit like a great amusement park. There is always some familiarity at a Phish concert, but it's ever-expanding. A fan doesn't get bored because they're always adding something new. Oh, and the food is greatly overpriced.

But that's all over now. Or at least it will be at the end of August.

Fortunately for me, I have tickets to see them in Saratoga on June 19. And I have pre-ordered what will be their last studio album. So I will enjoy one last summer of magic with the boys from Vermont. But after that, it will be all nostalgia. It's a shame.

"The circus is the place for me, with bears and clowns and noise;
I love the shiny music that descends from overhead...
So now I wander over grounds of light and heat and sound and mist
Provoking dreams that don't exist.
A circus of light where dreams can take flight
In the peacefulness dreaming dreams brings"

Phish, "Roggae"

In roughly ten weeks, I will have a son.

Yesterday marked the beginning of the ten-week countdown. This is distracting, to say the least. (For example, right now it is distracting me from a paper I should be writing.)

We've reached the point now where we count down by weeks, instead of up by months. This means it is very close now. Don't bother me with the detail that ten weeks is two and a half months. I don't want to think about it that way anymore—I'm counting down by weeks, remember?

I wonder what he'll look like.

Yesterday, we woke up to him kicking and squirming. I reached over and touched the spot where he was kicking, and I could feel his little foot! An odd-shaped bump that pushed back against my hand. When he kicks now, it's starting to looks as if Tracey's skin is very thin, sort of how I imagine it might look if he were wrapped in a thick pizza dough.

Anyway, I have to get back to my paper, but I will continue to be distracted by the thought that he's only ten weeks away.